WAYS TO TURN DOWN UNWANTED MEN

HE : Can I buy you a drink?
SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours..

HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE : How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE : I must've been given your share..

HE : Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE : Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE : Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE : And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE : Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE : Okay, get out.

HE : I think I could make you very happy.
SHE : Why? Are you leaving?

HE : What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE : Can I have your name?
SHE : Why? Don't you already have one?

HE : Shall we go see a movie?
SHE : I've already seen it..

HE : Where have you been all my life?
SHE : Hiding from you.

HE : Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE : Yes.. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE : Is this seat empty?
SHE : Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE : So, what do you do for a living?
SHE : I'm a female impersonator.

HE : Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE : Do not enter.

HE : Your body is like a temple.
SHE : Sorry, there are no services today.

HE : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE : If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Baby names after 9 month's loadshedding

Babies' names after 9 months due to "load shedding":

Candle Nomvete Darkness Mapogo
Eskom Tshabalala

Vroegslaap Khumalo Blackout Dube
BatteryNdlovu

Generator Mashaba Loadshedding Masibuko
Robotoff Vilakazi

Teekersie Oosthuizen Parrafienlamp Botha
Primus Minnaar

Sonpaneel Coetzee Geiser Nel
Cadac Nortje

Gasbottel vd Merwe Gasstoof van Wyk
Vuurhoutjie de Bruin

Vlammetjie Joubert Besparing Villiers
Isoleer Vosloo

Beurtkrag Poggenpoel Blaker du Toit
Flikkerlig Wessels

Powerdip Malherbe Gas Blomerus
Donker Afrika Smith

Batterycharged Erasmus Middernagswart Willemse Flitslig Bothma

Kersvlam Adams Braaivleisvuur vd Schyff
Braaivleis Swanepoel

Kragkrisis Potgieter Kragsentrale Knoetze
Kerskrag Esterhuizen

Tripwire Petzer Tripswitch Pieterse
Regulator Malan

Le렢eloftes Mbeki Fires van Blerk
Vonk du Preez

Diesel de Klerk Koperdraad
Herselman Vetkers du Plooy

Maglite Muller Kragboks de Koker
Weerlig Jacobs

Rou kos du Plessis Geen kos Nolte
Rechargable Diedericks

Boggerol krag Harmse Flitsbattery van
Helsdingen Energiespaar Pretorius

Torch Misimang Power failure Dlamini
Power station Kodisang

Kragopwekker Skosana Nat steenkool Zuma

Boere IT Dictionary

 

The Boere Computer Dictionary  Monitor Keeping an eye on the braai Download Get the firewood off the bakkie Hard drive Trip back home without any cold beer Keyboard Where you hang the bakkie and bike keys Window What you shut when it's cold Screen What you shut in the mosquito season Byte What mosquitoes do Bit What mosquitoes did Mega Byte What mosquitoes at the lake do Chip A bar snack Micro Chip What's left in the bag after you have eaten the chips Modem What you did to the lawns Dot Matrix Oom Jan Matrix's wife   Laptop Where the cat sleeps Software Plastic knives and forks you get at KFC Hardware Real stainless steel knives and forks from Checkers Mouse What eats the grain in the shed Mainframe What holds the shed up Web What spiders make Web Site The shed (or under the verandah) Cursor The old bloke that swears a lot Search Engine What you do when the bakkie won't go Yahoo What you say when the bakkie does go Upgrade A steep hill Server The person at the pub what brings out the lunch Mail Server The bloke at the pub what brings out the lunch User The neighbour what keeps borrowing things Network When you have to repair your fishing net Internet Complicated fish net repair method Netscape When fish maneuvers out of reach of net Online When you get the laundry hung out Off Line When the pegs don't hold the washing up